Help Me Breathe
by WizardMichi
Summary: Hermione doesn't come out of the war the same girl she used to be, and struggles to reconcile her past with her present. She goes with the motions, but inside she is falling apart. Harry wants to be there for her, but she keeps pushing him away. Will he be able to break down her walls and mend her battered soul?
1. Chapter One

**Help Me Breathe - Chapter One**

_'Can you love the version of me_ _I don't let anybody else see?_ _When I choke, would you try and help me breathe?_

_Can you love the version of me_ _t__hat isn't happy all the time?_ _That's gonna wanna stay the night?_ _Maybe it's just something in my brain._ _Maybe it's the way I was raised._ _I wouldn't blame you if you tried to walk away, but I want you to stay._ _Yeah, I want you to stay.'_

_-Sasha Sloan, Version of Me_

oOo

Sometimes it got really easy for Hermione to wonder what the point was for a lot of things. What was the point of keeping relationships, or meeting new people? What was the point of going to work, making small talk, meeting deadlines, or even just bothering to get out of bed. How could any of it matter like it used to after all the things she experienced in her short time alive. Alive. Still living while others did not. Still remarkably untouched while others were not. Her schoolmates, her parents, her friends... What was the point?

She let out a sigh as she set down the files she was holding. She leaned back in her chair and brought a hand to rub at her tired face. She really didn't like when her mind wandered into such depressing territory, but she was finding difficulty in allowing her life to move forward. Harry defeated Voldemort. Most of the Death Eaters were locked away or dead, but the price had been so high it made her angry they'd so willingly paid it.

She tried to shift her thoughts onto better things. Harry and Ron were safe and healthy. She was doing what she had once been so passionate about as an adolescent - fighting for the rights and welfare of all socially intelligent magical creatures. Hogwarts was back to its former glory with the help of many charitable donations and countless hours of volunteer time. Things were okay, and steadily getting better around her. So why? Why was she caught in a loop of self deprecation and lack of motivation?

Hermione looked up as a knock sounded at her office door. Harry popped his head in before she could respond and grinned widely at her.

"Busy?" He asked and she shook her head. "Great! Wanna grab lunch?"

She sighed and reached her files again. "I wish I could, Harry" she lied easily, gazing at him apologetically, "but I have somehow managed to fall behind on several cases. I'm just going to nip down to the lounge and grab an apple or something so I can keep working."

Harry frowned at her and brought a hand up to rub at his forehead with his fingers. "Are you sure, Hermione?"

"Yeah, honestly Harry, I just want to plow through these so I can get an early night. Maybe we can have lunch another day." She said with pretty convincing reassurance. She wasn't sure if Harry bought it, since he seemed to know her better than anyone lately, but he didn't argue anyway.

"Okay... Well, I will check on you later."

"Harry, you really don't need to do that-" she protested but her friend shook his head, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

"I insist. Someone's gotta make sure you're taking care of yourself while you take care of everyone else." He smiled and waved as he walked out the door before she could respond. Sighing again, she dropped the files and got to her feet. She couldn't bring herself to care anymore and resolved to get the files done tomorrow. Grabbing her bag, she exited her office. Placing her usual wards and protections on the room, she turned to leave, wondering if she should just hand in her notice and try traveling as a means to clear her mind instead of the continued droll of day to day life as the Ministry's good little Golden Girl.

oOo

Hermione was laying in her bed by three o'clock that afternoon. As soon as she arrived home, she stripped down to her tank top and underwear and slipped under the comfort of her blankets. She'd also wandlessly casted a black out charm on her curtains. A handy little spell of her own invention to keep the sun out of her room entirely. The darkness helped her relax in ways nothing else seemed to.

She let her mind turn to static and tried to drift into sleep, but then the sound of her floo activating caught her attention. She bit her lip and buried further into her comforter. Only two people had open access to her floo; Ginny and Harry. She had a feeling she knew who would be walking through her bedroom door.

A light knock filled the room, and as she peeked out from under her blanket, Harry quietly pushed the door open and entered the room.

"Hermione," he whispered. Hermione briefly contemplated feigning sleep, but decided Harry wouldn't buy that either.

"Hi, Harry." Her muffled response was met with a small smile from her friend. He moved to sit beside her on the bed, so she scoot herself over and he laid down, facing her. All that time spent in the tent during their hunt for horcruxes demolished any feelings of embarrassment or privacy. After Ron left, they'd often found they needed the closeness to feel whole and sane. They found comfort in each other just by offering less distance between them. This was normal. This was comfortable for them.

"Are you alright, Hermione?" Harry asked quietly, studying her expression closely. "I went back to your office to find it completely locked down. Your assistant said you'd left for the day."

"Yeah, I'm okay. I guess I was more fatigued than I thought." She replied half heartedly and she watched him pull his lips together in a tight line.

"Aren't we best friends, Hermione?" He eventually asked, and she frowned slightly.

"Of course we are. Yes, Harry, we are. I trust you more than anyone." She said quickly. He sighed.

"Than why do you keep lying to me? Why do you keep closing yourself off? I am trying to understand, but you're making it bloody impossible."

Hermione tried to respond. She tried to reason or make up some kind of excuse for her actions, but all she managed was a choked sob. She brought a hand over her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut as several tears fell sidelong across her face, getting lost in the mess of curls spread across her pillow. She felt the bed shift, and before she knew it, Harry had moved the blanket to slide in with her, and pulled her into his arms. She gripped onto his shirt and continued trying to stifle her crying. Harry was rubbing soothing circles into her back, but he didn't say anything else. When Hermione stopped trembling and her tears and breathing slowed, she felt the exhaustion pulling her into a deep sleep. Just before she felt her consciousness slip away, she felt the soft brush of Harry's lips against her forehead.

oOo

Hermione woke a couple hours later to find Harry was still in the bed with her, holding her close. He fell asleep as well, and she studied his face as he breathed in slowly and exhaled through his slightly parted lips, puffing his warm coffee scented breaths into her face. She smiled, and lifted her hand to brush some loose strands of hair out of his face. Catching sight of his scar, she traced the faded lines with the tip of her finger lightly. He didn't even stir, so she imagined he must be just as exhausted as she was, if not more. Being a junior Auror had many perks, but that didn't mean he didn't have to work hard to earn them.

She laid there for a few more moments, mulling over the devotion of her childhood friend. She had a feeling Harry might have felt more for her than friendship, but she had never been certain, and he never came out and told her. It was much to messy of a situation for a long time, with everything between him and Ginny and her and Ron. Even the brief stints with Cho and Viktor played a part in their lack of connection.

She always found Harry to be quite handsome, and really funny in his own quirky and adorable way. She liked that he could relate with her on things from their muggle upbringing, and he actually paid attention to her when she spoke. Somehow, though, she convinced herself that the Chosen One and her could never work. He had a lot to deal with, and she had to make sure he got through it alive. Ron was easier. He was sweet for the most part, and funny. He had his failings and jealousies, but she managed to convince herself that perhaps they could make it work in the end. That all changed when he left her and Harry in the tent. She never was able to forgive him, and that betrayal is what ultimately ended their long time friendship.

She shifted uncomfortably as she realized the direction her thoughts were headed. She was so broken inside, what would it matter if she tried to entertain the possibility of a romantic relationship with Harry? He could not possibly see her the same. She was barely sustainable as a friend anymore. She'd given up in almost every aspect of her life, and couldn't figure out how to find herself again. Perhaps she never would find that girl she was during their Hogwarts years and who fought in the war. Now she was just a damaged version of the person she was and mayne that's how it would always be from now on.

Her eyes wandered over the face of her sleeping friend again and she bit her lip to prevent a sob escaping. She felt more tears falling through her lashes and moved to cuddle closer to him. Instinctively, his arms flexed around her and pulled her into his chest. She fought to hold herself still, not wanting to wake him through her trembling body. Merlin, she would not blame him if he realized how messed up she was and decided he couldn't deal with it anymore. She could never expect him to stay by her side, fixing all her broken pieces, but damnit all, she desperately wanted him to.

oOo

**A/N Hello friends! I finally came back! Is this one a shock for you? Not a Draco and Hermione pairing, what in the what? Lol! I am still working on my Dramione fic, but in the meantime, I've been struck with inspiration that could not be ignored! Thus, my first Harmony fic is born! I don't expect this to be a very long story, but who actually knows, am I right? I hope you enjoyed. Please let me know your thoughts with a super sweet review, and I'll be back soon with another chapter. Til then, see ya!**


	2. Chapter Two

**Help Me Breathe - Chapter Two**

_'I know you hear me when I cry. I try to hold it in the night while you're sleepin' next to me. But it's your arms that I need this time. Look at the cards that we've been dealt. If you were anybody else, probably wouldn't last a day._

_Every tear's a rain parade from hell. Baby, you do it so well. You been so understanding, you been so good. And I'm puttin' you through more than one ever should. And I'm hating myself 'cause you don't want to admit that it hurts you.'_

_\- Ariana Grande, ghostin'_

oOo

Another couple of days went by, mundane as ever. Harry continued to check on her and ask if she would join him for lunch, and she would continue to make an excuse for why she couldn't. Every time she watched him force a smile of understanding across his face, she felt her heart cracking a little more. She wasn't sure why she was doing this to herself. Harry was one of the only people that continued to show her compassion and friendship. Everyone was dealing with their battle scars in their own ways, and that often mea t cutting off from others to focus on themselves and the core group of people closest to them. That made sense when that core group was doing the same in return. It did not make sense in regards to her and Harry because she only ever met him with opposition until he forced himself into her bubble and she'd break down in his arms until the next day where she could pretend nothing happened and ignore the pain of it all.

Worst of all, she had begun to depend the closeness of Harry again. She hadn't felt that since the very end of the war, and granted it hadn't been much past a year since then at this point, but she was doing alright. The need to be near the comfort his presence gave had been set aside in favor of inwardly shutting down instead. Now, it seemed, Harry ripped off the bandages to her psychological wounds and she was desperate for relief from it, any way possible. Relief which manifested in inviting Harry over almost every night and finding a way to convince him to sleep in her bed.

She knew the ridiculous reasons she came up with each time were unnecessary. She knew Harry understood what she was doing, but he allowed her to cope with the shame she felt for asking him the way she needed to, and always stayed. Some nights she would cry in his arms, or with her back to him. She always tried to hold back her sorrow until he was asleep, but she knew he must get woken up by her tremors. He never said anything, never pushed her to talk. Hermione felt even more pained by this, because she was clever. The fact that she was clever made it abundantly clear that she was hurting Harry right along with her, but still, she couldn't figure out how to fix it.

One night in particular, she was swinging between anger and despair over the war, over the change in her, over the confusion. It was overwhelming and she openly began to sob, stirring Harry from his dreams. He gently pulled her into his embrace and she distantly marvelled at the strength of this man. Anyone else would probably have grown impatient with her, or tired of the effort it took to hold her together. Anyone else would take one look at her breaking apart, and decide she wasn't worth it. Harry was a different type of person. He believed in fighting for the people he cared about so fiercely, she suspcted even the falling out with Ron would never be enough to make him uncaring of his well being and personal happiness. Harry was just so giving and so patient, especially with her. She broke down harder, and let him squeeze her until she finally cried herself back into a restless sleep.

The next morning, Hermione felt the pull of wakefulness and stretched her limbs out. It took a moment, but she registured that she was alone in her bed. After another moment, she could hear movement from her kitchen and smelled something pleasant wafting through her flat.

She yawned and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes before tossing the blanket away from her and sitting up. Just as she was standing to stretch out her body further, Harry walked back into her room. He stopped upon seeing her up, and smiled. She didn't miss how his eyes grazed over the exposed part of her belly when she momentarily reached her arms to the ceiling.

"Good morning." He said, leaning on her door frame and crossing his arms.

"I suppose." She murmured and yawned again.

"I made waffles and sausages."

She nodded. "Okay, I'll be right out. Thanks, Harry."

He left her again and she decided to quickly hop into the shower to help wake her. They didn't have work today, so she dressed in casual muggle trousers and a jumper. Harry had a plate under stasis waiting for her when she emerged and she sat to eat. He silently held a cup of coffee in his hands on the table beside her while she ate. After awhile, he finally spoke up.

"Hermione, we've gotta talk about this."

She glanced up at him through her lashes and took another mouthful of fluffly waffle.

"I think you and I need to start being honest with eachother again." He continued, and she swallowed her food to speak.

"I don't know what you mean. I have been very honest with you."

He sighed and stared into his mug, brows furrowed in contemplation. "Yes, perhaps, but not one hundred percent honest. Something has clearly happened to you, but I can't understand why you are pushing me away."

Hermione atleast had the sense to look ashamed of herself. How could she explain it? How could she tell Harry how she felt or why she felt it? She lifted her eyes to his.

"Harry, I-" she tried to speak, but her words broke. She felt that aggravating sting in her eyes and nose again, and huffed in frustration as she tried to stop herself from crying yet again. "Damnit, why is everything so hard!?" She snapped and rested her elbows on top of the table so she could drop her head into her hands.

"Hermione... You don't have to be strong all the time. You don't need to pretend to be okay for the sake of anyone else." Harry said quietly and she bit her lip hard to cease the trembling of her lip. "You are so used to being the level headed, quick thinking, fierce woman, friend and advocate. It's okay to set that aside so you can heal, Hermione. It's okay to let me in."

She groaned and looked up at her friend again. She felt her heart warring with her mind and wanted to say so many things, however she was finding it near impossible to decipher her own thoughts as of now.

"Harry, I can't. I don't know how to explain it to you, but I know I just can't. If you see the mess I've become... If you knew what kinds of things I think about... Oh, Merlin, I can't do this." She was choking on her words, her battle against the pain was quickly lost and before the first sob left her lips, Harry was standing, pulling her up and into his arms. He held her as close to him as possible and she found his familiar warmth and scent eased her aching heart somewhat, but not enough. Never enough.

"I'm not giving up, Hermione. I will never give up on you." He murmured into her hair and she felt herself shatter even further.

oOo

It was about a week later, and Hermione wasn't surprised to see Harry in the doorway of her office again.

"Lunch?" He asked and she sighed.

"Harry, aren't you getting sick of me making excuses to you for why I can't go?" She was so so tired of the pretense. She wanted nothing more than to slink away and live the remainder of her days in quiet solitude with only her masochistic thoughts for company.

"You mean why you won't go? Yes, I will admit it is a bit tiresome, but coming by to ask everyday still gives me an excuse to see you, and I quite like that bit."

Hermione sat back and stared at her friend. She couldn't even help the slight quirk of her lips upward as that brilliant grin of his spread across his face.

"Is that so?"

"It is. So... Am I getting lucky today?" He asked and she blushed at his choice of words.

"Harry!" She exclaimed and he let out a guffaw of laughter.

"Lunch, Hermione! Just lunch!" Harry replied, still laughing and Hermione found herself actually smiling softly in return.

"Harry..."

"I miss you, Hermione."

She snapped her mouth shut at his sudden confession.

"Harry, you literally just vocalized how we see each other every day. Not to mention you have been staying at my flat most nights..." Her voice trailed off as she realized that was the first time she'd acknowledged their odd arrangement out loud. She flushed when she looked up to find him looking intently at her. He stepped further into her office, letting the door click shut behind him. Walking around to her side of the desk, he knelt down in front of her. She turned slightly in her seat to face him and he grasped one of her hands in his.

"I miss you anyway. I miss your laugh. Your excitement. Your scolding. Your attentiveness. I miss the way your eyes lit up whenever you found a new book to read, or when you pretended not to approve of anything the twins said or did when really I knew you thought they were brilliant and quite funny." Harry was gently rubbing the back of her hand with the pad of his thumb and her eyes were stinging with unshed tears as she watched him talk about all the things good about her. The old her. The her that was dead and never coming back.

"Harry," she whimpered, but he shook his head.

"I miss the way you used to hug me. I miss how you would argue with me about whether muggle things were more practical than certain magical things. I miss the way you used to say my name like it alone brought you a happiness only you could understand. I... Merlin, Hermione. I know you changed. We all did. But I also know that deep down, you're still my Hermione."

Tears fell freely now, and she was hunched over slightly in her silent grief. She knew he needed to tell her; needed to unload just as much as she did, but it didn't mean she was ready for it. He straightened up from where he knelt so that her forehead was resting against his. She closed her eyes and could feel his warm breath ghosting across her cheeks. They sat like this in silence for several minutes before he spoke again.

"I don't know how to tell you how I feel, Hermione. Not really. At the end of it all, I can only be here and show you. I... I miss you, and..." He paused and she waited quietly for him to finish his thought. Her heart was thundering in her chest and she thought she knew what he was about to say. "And I want you, Hermione. I want all of you."

Before she could even react, she felt him shift slightly, and his lips softly pressed into hers. Her eyes snapped open and she couldn't bring herself to move away. He pressed his lips into hers once more, slightly firmer, before backing away to look into her eyes. She released a shaky breath, and he lifted his hand to wipe the tears away from her face.

"Think about what I've said, okay?" He whispered. She couldn't respond. She just stared as her stood to his full height again and vacated her office swiftly. The silence in the room was pounding against her ears and she felt herself quivering where she sat.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she whined lowly to herself and allowed every remaining tear she had to fall into her lap. Her head was filled with rampant thoughts of Harry. He wanted her. He kissed her, and said he wants her, but she felt to broken to give herself over to him. He deserved someone whole. He deserved someone that could give him everything, and that just wasn't her.

oOo

**A/N Oh dear, our Hermione is having quite a hard time, isn't she? I hope this chapter was well received. Hermione has a lot to work out, but I think with Harry, she will be just fine. Hope to see you when I update next! Please don't forget to leave some reviews. I look forward to them and they really do motivate me so much. See you soon!**


	3. Chapter Three

**Help Me Breathe - Chapter Three**

'_And it's not fair... I keep on writing a sequel to stories I know that are not there. I don't wanna die but I don't wanna live like this. I just wanna feel something, I just wanna feel something really real so that I can really feel like a person again. Can you tell me a secret?__Can you tell me what's wrong with me?__I know I should be angry, but I can barely feel a fucking thing.'__\- Bea Miller, Feel Something_

oOo

"Are you absolutely sure about this Ms Granger?"

Hermione stood in the Head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, and just requested she be granted an extended sabbatical.

"Yes, I would like to see what the living and societal conditions are like for magical creatures across Europe and perhaps even further out. I think if I can see what it's like firsthand, I will be able to do a better job for them within the ministry." While this was partially true, Hermione's main purpose for this request was to find solitude before she completely shut down. If she lost her will completely, others besides Harry would notice and that was a reality she was not willing to face.

Her department head looked thoughtfully down at Hermione's written request and sighed. "Well, I suppose that couldn't hurt. It seems like an efficient method for data gathering and experience interacting with these magical creatures in person. Yes, I think this will benefit the ministry in the long run. Okay, I'll push the paperwork forward to the Minister and suggest a paid term off the ministry premises for travel and work... Let's say four months? Would that be sufficient?"

Hermione nodded emphatically. "That would be perfect, thank you very much."

"Very well, Ms Granger. Expect my confirmation memo within the ne t couple days. Keep in mind I will require weekly reports sent into the office for logging."

Hermione nodded and thanked her employer again before she made a swift exit back to her office. She couldn't begin to describe the relief she was feeling in this moment. Four months would be more than enough time away from the ministry. She planned to use the time to work, of course, but she also planned to use a good chunk of it to bask in silence and self loathing. What others didn't know or witness would not be able to hurt them. No need to bring anyone else down with her.

Hermione made her way quickly back to her office and decided to take an early day. She stuffed her work bag with all the files she might need incase she decided to get a bit more work done later. She felt her heart clench at the thought of having to tell Harry about what she decided. Maybe it would be better for him if she just left, almost like ripping a bandaid off of a partially healed wound. He couldn't be allowed to get more romantically involved with her than he already was, no matter how much he or she might want that. It wasn't right and she knew she would just end up destroying him the way she currently was. No. It was better to go away and spare him the pain of suffering through a failed attempt at love with her.

Decision made, she found her way to the atrium and slipped into one of the floo grates, tossing in a bit of powder and calling out, "Granger flat," to pack her things in preparation for her escape from reality.

Tears were slipping unchecked down her face as she pulled things out of her wardrobe and stuffed them unceremoniously into her beaded bag. She would organize it all later when she needed a distraction. For now, she pulled all of her bottoms and tops out of drawers and shoved them in the bag. All her knickers and bras, a few coats and a variety of different shoes from trainers to boots to flats. She decided on a couple different pairs of sunglasses and a couple hats and beanies. Moving to a rack by her bedroom window, she took off the two scarves, one Gryffindor and one light grey, and added them in as well. She stared inside her purse and tried to stem the tears, but they just kept falling.

Was this how it would be for the rest of her life? Was she just doomed to feel nothing but sorrow and pain, all of it, self inflicted? She just wanted to feel like a normal person again, but she didn't have a clue if that were even possible for her anymore. She hated the way her life was going. She craved something more, something real out of her life. She didn't want to die an old miserable witch, with nothing good to her name she thought bitterly, smacking her bag closed and zipping it securely. She looked around and allowed her thoughts to linger on Harry again. She would miss him so much. She would be so lost without him, but she knew she was protecting him. He needed to stop focusing on her and get on with his life. He'd sacrificed enough.

Inhaling deeply, she lifted the bit of parchment that laid discarded on her desk. Every document she would need for her travels had been sent over by her department head. She grabbed it all and tucked them securely into the inside of her jacket pocket. She turned her attention to the other sheet on her covers. She'd penned a simple message to Harry, knowing he would be the only one able to penetrate the defenses of her flat, and certain he would come looking for her soon. She knew it was cowardly, but she couldn't give him the oppurtunity to try and change her mind about this. She wiped away the tear tracks still on her face and sighed. Picking up her wand, she tightened the additional wards around her flat and then apparated away.

oOo

The first day was okay. She decided to make a stop in Edinburgh and stay overnight in one of the bed and breakfasts near the town square. She got her bag in order and kept to herself mostly. She didn't have any intentions on beginning on her work right away. She just wanted silence. After taking the time to bathe and have a meal, an owl came to the room window with a letter clutched in its beak. Allowing the bird entry, she took the letter and offered the creature some of her roasted potatos. Settling into a chunky armchair by the hearth, she opened the letter and read.

Hermione,

I can't even pretend to understand why you decided to do this. How can you even justify it? How could you honestly believe this is what's best? If I have done anything - if I have frightened or hurt you somehow - I hope you will tell me. Whatever it is, Hermione... I am so sorry. But this, what you're doing, it doesn't feel right. It's barely been eighteen hours since I last saw you, but I feel like I can't breathe. I dont know where you are, or if you're okay. I have no clue why you wanted to work abroad. No one will tell me what you're doing or where you went. Either they don't know, or you demanded their silence. As much as I loathe admit it, people rarely tell me no anymore, other than you, so all this refusal of information is making me go mad. Hermione, I know you think this is the right choice. I know you think pushing me away will stop me falling for you, but I already love you so much as my best friend, would it honestly be so bad to want that, but just... More? Please come back. Please write me or just come home.

Yours,

Harry

oOo

A few more days passed and Hermione did as best she could to avoid detection by anyone who may recognize her, or any owls Harry may send. She decided it might be time to do some actual research since her first report was due to be sent off to her department in a couple days, and she didn't want to raise suspicioun. She was able to contact a representative for a magical rehabilitation center nearby Cork and Waterford. He was able to forward a one way Portkey to her hotel, and expected her arrival shortly after.

She was surprised by the beauty of the area as she was pulled to her destination. The greenery went on for miles, and she could see hills and mountain far off. She heard laughter echo across the grounds and spotted the muggle inn behind her. Turning back, she finally spotted the charming castle poking out from the depths of the expansive woodland. From where she stood, the castle looked to be ancient, crumbling apart and hauntingly beautiful. It was nowhere near the impressive scale that was Hogwarts, but it was still a wonder to behold. She knew it must have a fair few enchantments to prevent the muggles wandering. She suspected it was much like Hogwarts in that aspect, appearing broken and adanboned and utterly uninteresting to the unmagical eye.

She began her short trek to the castle and as she approached, her magical signature seemed to be acknowledged by the wards and as she stepped fully through, the true magnificence of the castle was at last revealed. She could see candlelight glowing through every window, the grounds were well kept and the castle was not damaged in the slightest. She smiled softly, feeling something other than sadness for the first time in quite awhile. It was almost like being a child again and seeing Hogwarts for the first time.

She made her way up to the front entrance where she was guided inside by a statue of a female Centaur holding a bow. She briefly wondered what that statue might be capable of doing were an unwanted guest attempt to gain entry to the fortress. Once inside, a slender woman spotted her and rushed over.

"Ms Granger! I trust you journied well and safe? Oh, we are all delighted to have you here! Welcome to St Francis Frothwallop's Magical Creatures Sanctuary and Rehabilitation Ward."

Hermione smiled and nodded at the woman as she shook her hand gently. "Thank you for inviting me, Madam Sarafina. I am eager to see what kinds of things you do for magical creatures in need of medical and personal assistance."

The two women spoke for quite awhile as Madam Sarafina introduced her to other members of staff, as well as any English speaking creature currently in residence. They toured the facility and grounds before Hermione was shown to her chambers to rest from her journey. The room was nice enough with a good size bed, fireplace, private en suite and cozy dining and living space. There was no kitchen, but she suspected they must have some kind of meal service that was delivered to the rooms.

Moving to her bedside, she removed her coat and tossed it atop the bed cover. Slumpong down onto the plush mattress, she sighed and shut her eyes. Try as she might to distract herself, she couldn't deny something was wrong with her. She knew she should feel utterly broken and devastated and human, but all she could manage was being numb. It had been quite some time since she'd cried, but she knew it wasn't because of progress. She was so broken and far removed from her old emotions and responses that she couldn't figure out how to be that again. Be emotional. Human.

The room darkened around her, however, she didn't move again. She allowed sleep to claim her, where the dreams took over with their own personal vendetta against her.

oOo

**A/N sorry this took me awhile. Even more sorry that it's not very lengthy. I hope you liked it anyway. It wont stay this sad, I swear. Harry will be back very soon.**


	4. Chapter Four

**Help Me Breathe - Chapter Four**

_I don't wanna be sad forever_. _I don't wanna be sad no more_. _I don't wanna wake up and wonder_ w_hat the hell am I doing this for?_ _I don't wanna be medicated_. _I don't wanna go through that war_. _I don't wanna be sad, I don't wanna be sad, I don't wanna be sad anymore_. _I don't wanna be sad forever_. _I don't wanna go one more day_. _I just wanna wake up and realize_ e_verything's gonna be okay_. _I don't know how else to say it_. _I don't wanna go through that war_. _I don't wanna be sad, I don't wanna be sad... I don't wanna be sad anymore._

_-Lauv, 'Sad Forever'_

oOo

**A/N Hello! I am writing this chapter while 10,000 feet up in the air! Or is it 20,000? No clue. But I'm on a plane heading to New York from Florida to surprise my friend and she has no idea. I also got us front row tickets to see Cursed Child tomorrow, so I'll let you know how that goes! Have any of you seen the show? Leave me a comment. No spoilers just incase people haven't seen or read the book!**

**EDITED A/N: I am back in Florida and finishing this chapter. New York was awesome and my friend was SO SURPRISED. It was awesome. Cursed Child was fantastic by the way. The amount of magic they fit into the play was amazing, the actors were brilliant. I even cried several times. I already want to go back. Also, quick note, I have a public playlist on spotify with the songs corresponding to each chapter if you'd like to check it out. Possible spoilers because I have songs in there that may pave the way for future unreleased chapters so keep that in mind. You can search my name (onceuponahappyplanner) or the playlist itself: Help Me Breathe -** **FanFic (dot) net.**

**Well anyway... On to the story! Enjoy.**

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Hermione managed to get a few pretty good detailed reports written out and sent back to the office for review and logging. She was impressed by the structure the facility had and the compassion its employees showed to everyone there. She hoped to implement some of their techniques back at the ministry, and perhaps it would show others how misunderstood socially intelligent magical creatures and beings were. This assignment had been a way for her to hide herself away and cope with her inner turmoil and failings, but she was very pleasantly surprised it was also proving to be extremely productive.

About two months had gone by at this point, and Hermione continued to push herself through each passing day. She was sure Harry was still trying to reach her. Sometimes she would feel a tingle along the wards she placed around any area she occupied as though an owl were trying to figure out a way around. Sometimes she felt like giving in and letting them through, but she was so scared of what he had to say, or anyone else for that matter, so she kept to herself. Her days were filled with busy work or interesting distractions, however her nights were typically spent crying herself to sleep and her mornings were for deciding whether she wanted to toss back a Draught of Peace or perhaps a few Pepper Ups or not. The idea of getting addicted to anything scared her, too, but the temptation was always there.

This particular morning, she'd stirred awake just before dawn. The time of day that casts an eerie blue glow across the world and everything is still covered in that early morn dew. She let her mind wander across the state of her life. She allowed the aftermath of the war to cripple her. She may have walked out of it physically intact, but her mind was a massive pile of rubble that she was still trying to sift through. She wondered if this is just what her life was now. Should she settle for being alone? Avoid bringing anyone into her murky world? Especially someone as sweet, selfless and kind as Harry. Her friend, Harry. Her everything, Harry.

She lifted a hand out from under the blanket wrapped tightly around her body and wiped a stray tear away. She hated the way she was feeling. She didn't want this. She didn't want to keep worrying or listening to that nasty voice of self doubt and hate in her head every evening. All she wanted was to finally be able to tell herself that she didn't live the life she had for no reason. There was a purpose for every step of her journey and she needed to find a way to pull herself out of this depression. Logically, she knew all that to be true. Mentally and emotionally, she just couldn't figure out how to get herself there.

With a heavy sigh, she tossed the blanket away from her and sat up on the mattress. She used the palms of her hands to wipe her face free of all the tears that managed to escape while she'd been lost in thought.

She looked toward the window of her room when that familiar tickle trickled down her spine again. She pulled her lips into a thin line. Harry. Should she give in this time? Should she let him in again? At the very least, just read what he wanted to tell her and continue her day like nothing occured? She sighed. If she let this owl in and read Harry's message, there was no way she would be able to ignore it. Her heart skipped a beat and she closed her eyes.

After muttering a quick counterspell, the wards fell and the window clicked open. No sooner than she could open her eyes again, an owl was swooping in and settled beside her, parchment clamped securely in it's clawed foot.

She reached out and grabbed the parchment. The owl nestled further into the warm blanket while he waited and Hermione decided not to prolong this. She opened the letter and began to read.

_Hermione,_

_Well, I managed to find out what you're doing, and while it is commendable, I know you're also using it to hide from me. From life. I also found out where you've been, but have no idea where you are now. St Francis Frothwallop's Magical Creatures Sanctuary and Rehabilitation Ward was an interesting visit. Madam Sarafina sends her love._

_I am not trying to stalk you or chase you, but I am worried and would just like some kind of reassurance that you're alright. I miss you so much and it feels like everyday you're gone, a new weight gets left on my chest and I have to carry it all around. Please come home. I'm taking a bit of a vacation in the hopes that you'll come by. I'll be home everyday for the next two weeks. Please, Hermione. I would give just about anything to talk to you again._

_Yours,_

_Harry_

Hermione didn't even bother stopping the steady flow of tears anymore. Was she causing more harm than good by leaving him behind? She hoped he would see she was doing what was best and move on with his life, but ever diligent, Harry attempted to reach her every single day and no matter how disappointed he might be, he refused to give up. She sighed and tossed his letter to the side so she could bury her fingers in her wild tresses. She glanced sideways at the owl beside her and knew he must be waiting for a response to deliver. He was watching her sleepily and she sniffed out a laugh.

"Take a nap, owl. I'll write a response and you can bring it to Harry later, okay?" Hermione murmured and smiled slightly at the almost purr-like hoot the bird offered.

In truth, later ended up being another three days, but eventually Hermione managed to gather the courage to write a short reply to her friend. She let him know she was okay, and that she was trying very hard to work on her mental well being. She mentioned how lovely his owl was, and talked a little about the work she was doing. After some rambling, she quickly added at the end that if she was still welcome, she would visit him at the start of his second week off work. She didn't have to wait very long for his response.

_Hermione,_

_See you in four days._

_Yours,_

_Harry_

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Over the next few days Hermione pushed hard to tie up any loose ends she had with work and sent in final reports. She could spend her last week out of office with Harry, and she hoped it would be sufficient enough to pacify his distress. Once she'd packed all her belongings and tidied up around the room, she decided there was no use in stalling any longer and made her way out to the front lobby of the wizarding inn she had been occupying, and apparated away.

She landed in front on Harry's home with a small stumble, but quickly caught herself. She looked up and immediatly saw her friend tumbling out of his front door and dashing toward her, arms wide.

"Hermione! Oh sweet Merlin, you came! I thought you were going to bail! I thought you just said that you would come to shut me up for a bit! I thought-"

Hermione giggled abruptly while he squeezed her in a tight hug and chattered on which caused him to stop and pull back so he could look at her face, but he didn't let her go.

"You- you laughed. Hermione. You just laughed." Harry was looking at her dumbstruck and she couldn't help the tinge of pink that dusted her cheeks.

"I did, yeah. You're funny, Harry. In a cute way." She mumbled as he enveloped her into another bruising hug.

"It's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I want to hear that everyday, all the time. Here, let's get inside."

He pulled her by the hand into his house and shut the door. She dropped her beaded bag onto his couch and removed the scarf and light jacket she'd donned for the slightly cooler morning air.

Harry was watching her as if he expected her to vanish in a cloud of smoke. To be fair, that fact wasn't at all too far fetched as far as she was concerned.

"Harry. Stop looking at me like that. I'm not going anywhere. When I decide to leave here, I will tell you first. Now, stop worrying and feed me."

His beautiful smile spread across his features again and Hermione felt relieved her attempt at lightheartedness had worked. She was so anxious, and thought he would have been fuming at her for disappearing almost three months ago.

"Right. Well, how about tuna sandwiches? We can eat and chat in the garden." He offered and she nodded.

Once the food and drinks were served outside on Harry's patio, they got comfortable. Harry settled himself in a chair beside the couch Hermione curled up on with her plate of sandwiches balanced on her thigh.

"So," Harry began after taking a bite of his sandwich. "You gonna tell me why you disappeared? Did I scare you away?" Harry chewed slowly and watched her. She could feel his eyes studying every miniscule movement she made, so she tried her damnedest to stay absolutely still.

"I don't... I don't think now is the right time to... To talk about that." She replied after a short pause and took a bite of her sandwich for the sake of having something to do. Out of the corner of her eye she could see his hand pause halfway to bringing his sandwich to his mouth. After a moment it fell back to his lap and his foot started tapping impatiently on the concrete.

"Hermione. I just want to be here for you."

"I know. Harry, believe me, I know you do, but I'm just not... It's not... Ugh, I'm not ready for that conversation." She replied curtly and quickly brushed a lone tear away before taking a large bite of her sandwich and staring down at her plate.

She thought Harry would argie and try to convince her to talk to him, but instead he finished his sandwich and took a swig of his ice water. They sat quietly, listening to the usual outdoor noises of children playing in the distance, dogs barking and even further, the blaring of car horns and speeding motor bikes. There was a breeze rustling the surrounding greenery and birds singing to one another. Even the hum of magic followed them.

Harry's was so familiar to her, sometimes she didn't notice it anymore. Today, his natural hum was louder. It was like he was pushing his presence onto her, if only to reassure himself of her own magical hum being right there as well. They continued to eat in silence until they were both full when Harry spoke again.

"Ron owled the other day..."

Hermione snapped her eyes to Harry and couldn't stop the shock that crept into her features. "What? Ron owled you? For what!?"

"He kept hearing that I'd been asking everyone at work about you. He found out you left, and he was the one to tell me what you were doing and where you'd been." Harry replied as nonchalantly as possible.

Hermione was gobsmacked. Ron, of all people. "Well, great. Good. You two are best friends again, than?" She snapped, her voice quivering. She wasn't sure why that thought made her so angry, but she hated how bitter she sounded. She glared at Harry when he laughed.

"Merlin, no. He and I are different people now. I don't really trust him anymore... Not after, well... You know."

Hermione nodded and slumped back into the cushions. Harry put his glass back on the table and got to his feet. He moved to the couch and sat beside her.

"He was actually being a right prick about it. I think he guessed how I feel for..." Harry trailed off and cleared his throat. Hermione felt her eyes stinging. Goddamnit, could she not keep it together for one bloody day atleast? "Hermione, I can't just ignore this." He whispered, tugging lightly on one of her loose curls.

She brought her eyes to his.

"You have to. Harry, you just have to. I'm sorry."

"Why do you insist on pushing me away? We used to be able to talk about anything and everything. I am begging you to-"

"Harry, stop. I cannot do this right now. It isn't a good time."

Hermione felt him tense beside her. "It is never a good time for you. Why don't you tell me when is good enough to confide with your best friend? Tell me when I am welcome into your life again the way we used to be?"

Hermione furiously wiped the tears away from her face as she listened to her friend speak. This was completely fucked up because she couldn't seem to get her shit together. She couldn't bare the ache apparent on his face, so she slowly got up and left him alone outside without another word.

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**A/N sorry this took me a bit but I hope you enjoyed. Remember, you can search my name on spotify, (onceuponahappyplanner) or the playlist itself: Help Me Breathe -**


	5. Chapter 5

Help Me Breathe - Chapter Five

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**A/N In response to a guest review on my last chapter... I feel slightly affronted that you claim to know how all people would behave in the kind of scenario I have set up here for our duo, based on the experiences of your life. I am pulling from personal experiences, as well as that of people I know, or things I have read over the years. This version of Hermione can and does function well without Harry, although I cannot help but wonder why you expected leaps and bounds of progress from them when I had only written four chapters... The problem here is the internal battle of thinking she isn't good enough or strong enough to share her pain with another person, especially someone as good as Harry. She has really low self esteem, and as much as it hurts her, she still manages to go about her daily life pretty well. No one other than Harry seems to know she's suffering. Harry sticks by her because they have gone through alot and she never abandoned him, unlike Ron. How is that unrealistic? As far as the dramatics, it's a FAN FICTION my dude. No different from a novela on the telly, or even a Shakespearean play. Now THOSE are dramatic AF. lol. Anyway, thanks for saying I write well. Enjoy my idiotic melodrama, as you say... Or read something by one of the other talented writers out there. You have lots of options if you just can't cope with mine. Oh and by the way, light Ron bashing in this chapter. Nothing too awful, but you know... We don't like Ronald right now. **

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Help Me Breathe - Chapter Five

_When I close my eyes, I'm climbing in the dark trying not to fall apart. Sometimes I get so high, falling is the only out I see, and I don't wanna take you down with me.__You're the love in my heart... Only love in my heart. Take you down, take you down with me. Don't wanna take you down, take you down... Down with me.__'Take You Down', by Illenium_

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She should have known there was no stopping Harry when he wanted answers. She could hear him follow her inside. She managed to get up the stairs, but he was quickly bounding up and caught her wrist before she could hide in her room.

"You don't honestly expect me to let this go, do you? I'm stubburn as hell. Everyone knows that!" He exclaimed and let her arm drop so he could cross his own over hos chest. She turned to face him and sighed.

"Harry, I'm really not trying to be aloof, but I just have a lot to work through. I don't particularly want to see a mind healer, and I don't want my burdens to rest on a friends shoulders. I swear I'm trying, it's just taking awhile..."

She watched helplessly as her friend visibly slumped before her eyes.

"Look, Hermione. I am really trying here. I want to be supportive and loving and all the things you were for me growing up, but I'm just not good at it like you were. I don't know what else to do or say that will make you understand how much I- how much..." He shoved his hand through his messy hair in frustration and began to pace the hall. "Whatever you need from me, Hermione, just tell me and you can have it. Whatever will help, just ask." He stopped suddenly and let his hands slap against his thighs. He caught her eyes with his and she could tell he was fighting just about as hard as she'd ever seen to stop himself losing his temper.

"I- I need... I..." Hermione stumbled over what to say. She knew she was hurting him, but she was so unwilling to drag him down. Wherever her mind was at the moment, she had to keep him miles away. "Harry. Just do what you have always done. Listen while I talk, laugh with me when I laugh... Keep me safe at night... I'll keep trying and I'll do my best to be there for you as always."

She could see the look of longing in his eyes, but he seemed to decide on cutting losses and took what she had said gracefully. He nodded, stepped into her embrace and kissed her cheek.

"I'll let you unpack and get settled then. I'll be nipping out in a bit to run some errands and get some groceries. We can cook dinner together when I return, if you like?" He asked and grinned widely, although it didn't quite reach his eyes, she appreciated the effort.

"That sounds perfect, Harry. See you in awhile."

He smiled again and headed back downstairs. Hermione went into the guest room and busied herself with putting her clothing in the wardrobe and other products for self care in her en suite.

She was only staying a week, so she didn't see the point in taking out her books, but she did pull out a current favorite and went to the sitting room to read by the window in what used to be Hermione's favorite chair. Harry brought some things over from Grimmauld place when he moved, and for some reason this old chair made the cut. She furrowed her brows as the thought lingered in her mind. Could he have brought it here solely to make her happy? Maybe that should annoy her, but yet again she couldn't help but think how sweet and thoughtful her friend was. She'd never even told him outright how much she loved the blasted chair. He just noticed. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips which she quickly shook away before cracking the book open to her page marker and dove head first back into the lives of Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy.

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"Harry!" Hermione screeched at her friend from across the kitchen. "That's not funny!"

Harry, however, was inclined to disagree as he was currently doubled over laughing his bloody arse off. She stared at him with her mouth gaping, arms held out to her sides, and her entire front covered in pasta sauce and flour. It seemed the Weasleys had an affinity for clumsy owls because they'd replaced Errol once he passed and now had a new, equally clumsy, owl named Olive. Said owl decided a good landing spot would be the entire countertop in which they had been attempting to cook spaghetti.

She glared at her friend. "I guess we are ordering take out." She grit and Harry only proceeded to guffaw even louder, wiping tears from his eyes and trying to right the owl that was flapping wildly in their spilled bowl of cooked noodles.

Harry managed to extract the owl and clean her up a bit before taking the parchment from its outstretched leg. Hermione managed to clean herself up with a quick tergeo, and than proceeded to clear away the mess all over the kitchen. She heard Harry sigh loudly beside her, so she glanced up.

"What's wrong?"

Harry shook his head and crumpled the parchment. Tossing it in the bin, he pulled out his wand and started helping her clean. "That was from Ron..." He said, slightly annoyed.

Hermione did her best not to react. Harry was already in a sour mood, no use making things worse. "What did he want?"

"Nothing. Being a prat, as usual. I don't see why he can't just pretend I don't exist. I think we made it clear our friendship ended a long time ago."

"Was it that bad? Honestly, Harry. You shouldn't let him get to you."

"It really fucking bothers me when he talks about you, Hermione. He knows it, so he keeps doing it. He's acting a lot like how Malfoy used to, when we were kids."

Hermione twisted her wand in her fingers, uncomfortable with the direction the topic seemed to be going. She wondered what Ron could have possibly said to make Harry so upset, but she settled on the fact that maybe Harry had a good reason for leaving out the details. She wouldn't pester him needlessly. She watched as Harry tossed his wand onto the counter angrily, and dumped all the dishes they'd used into the sink. He began to wash them by hand. She knew he preffered to do it that way when he needed to keep himself distracted; she was the same way. Since he took up that task, she grabbed a cloth and spray bottle from under the sink and started spraying and wiping down all the surfaces she could reach.

They worked together quietly and every now and then she would glance his way. He looked pretty irritated, so she left him to it. After about an hour of this, she decided to finally speak up.

"We still need to figure out dinner, Harry. I'm hungry."

"Shite..." Harry grumbled, pulling his glasses off his face and cleaning them in his shirt. "Sorry, Hermione. I was a bit distracted."

"It's okay. At least you were productive."

He sort of half smiled at her, but it faded away quickly. "Well, what do you reckon? Chinese or Indian?" He asked.

"Indian sounds fantastic actually."

Harry nodded and put his glasses back on so he could walk into the front room and pull on a jacket. "I'll just pop out and grab some things and come back, okay?"

Hermione almost offered to go with him, but assumed he wanted the little pocket of time alone. If that were the case, she knew he would be ready to talk once he was back.

"Okay, hurry back Harry."

He looked at her for a moment too long before smiling and nodding and walking out his front door.

Hermione settled back down with her book and waited for Harry to return. She thought about Ron again and felt herself get angry as well. Ron was such a dick. Why was he going out of his way to harrass Harry about her? If it was regarding Harry's feelings for her, even she could admit to being upset for Harry about it. That wasn't fair, especially considering the fact Ron had once felt something more than friendship for her as well at one point. Could he be jealous? No, that was impossible. She wasn't anything special. After the war, witches and wizards were falling over themselves to get to Ron. It was made clear pretty quickly that he enjoyed having the pick of the litter, so to speak. Hermione scoffed with disgust. How dare he make Harry feel this way, just because of his feelings?

Hermione never managed to read her book again before Harry was back with their food. She was so lost in her thoughts, and was nervous about what Harry might say now, she didn't even know if eating was a good idea anymore.

Regardless, she helped him unpack all the food containers onto the coffee table and they settled down to eat. Hermione sat snug in her favorite chair again, and Harry deposited himself on the floor to eat over the little table.

"So, do you want to talk about Ron at all?" Hermione asked after swallowing a mouthful of chicken.

Harry visibly tensed and his chewing slowed until he finally swallowed. He used a knuckle to push his glasses back up his nose and glanced over to her before stabbing at his potatos.

"He just mentioned he heard you'd finished your assignment, and had a week left of the sabbatical that was approved to use as personal time to settle back in. He asked if you finally took pity on me and reached out. He... Said some other colorfully descriptive things that I'd rather not mention while we are eating. Or ever, really." He laughed harshly and shoved another forkfull into his mouth.

Hermione watched him, slightly amused and slightly bothered. He cares so much, and here she was, emotionally battered and extremely confused and too afraid to offer anything other than a willing ear for his anguish. She ate some more food before replying quietly, "Wouldn't it be easier for you if I go, Harry? You just seem so frustrated all the time. It's not worth all the fuss."

Harry glared at her and pointed his chicken skewered fork at her. "Rubbish. You are my best friend, if not anything else, and you will always be worth it."

Hermione blushed. Goddamnit Harry Potter and his beautiful bloody heart.

They finished up eating and Harry offered to clean up so she could shower before bed. Once she felt the hot water hit her skin, she flinched and tilted her head back to smooth the hair out of her face. Harry was a good guy. Everything he went through, and he somehow managed to become a loving a kind man. She was lucky he was choosing her to protect, but at what cost? She was so scared her broken confidence and heart would hurt him too much. Still, she couldn't figure out if she even had the right to make decisions like distancing herself from him on her own. He acted like that would hurt him more. Once upon a time, Hermione Granger prided herself on her intellect and logic, but now all she did was second guess everything.

She breathed out and wiped the water from her face as she turned to reach for her washcloth. Lathering it, she gently scrubbed along her body and thought about their days in Hogwarts. She was trying to figure out when exactly Harry might have started showing more interest in her than previously. When had she started spiraling into whatever this sad and pathetic limbo was? The more she thought about it, the more it seemed to point at their time on the run. Harry had ended things with Ginny before they'd left. Hermione assumed it was because he had no way of knowing if he could come back to her. When Ron left, and she made the choice to stay with Harry out of loyalty and duty and pure friendship, Ron seemed to read into it a bit further. She always thought he was just making up wild assumptions that were being magnified by the horcrux, but maybe he really did know something at the time that she didn't.

She'd finished washing herself, so she hung the cloth and used her hands under the spray to rinse the soap off of her skin. Moving onto her hair, she massaged the newest line of Sleekeazy's Hair Wash Potion into the long tangles and almost immediatly felt them loosen and unravel so she could pull her fingers through quite easily.

She decided she and Harry needed to unload. They had to talk out their demons and even though the idea scared the shite out of her, she knew she couldn't keep living life so afraid and unsure. She especially couldn't drag Harry down like that, since he'd made it clear he wasn't giving up on her. Right, tomorrow they would talk and hopefully she could make up her mind regarding her feelings for this friend of hers.

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"Ready for bed?" Harry asked from the doorway of her room. She was just toweling her hair gently, and looked up. She froze for a moment, looking over him in his loose v neck shirt and Gryffindor plaid pajama bottoms. He was so cute, and she hated herself for noticing it now.

"Uh, yes, just about..." She replied, turning slightly away from him to dry the back of her head, but really she just wanted to hide her reddening face.

"Did you still... Um, I didn't know if you needed me to..." Harry asked awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck and gesturing to her bed. She willed herself to keep the impending blush at bay.

"Well, you don't have to you know... But it is quite comforting for me. If it's uncomfortable for you-"

Harry shook his head vigorously. "No! I don't mind at all. If it helps you feel secure, I'm happy to sleep beside you."

Hermione dropped the towel to her lap and looked down at it, nodding. "Okay than... I'll just brush my teeth quick, okay?" She glanced up to see him smiling sheepishly at her.

"Yeah, I've done that so I'll go grab us some water." He left and she finished up her night routine. After plaiting her hair, she crawled into bed beside Harry. He smiled at her again and just like that, they easily melted into one another. He held her firmly and he was so warm and strong. She couldn't help but to feel like he was single handedly holding her together. She inhaled deeply and the thought that she was taking advantage of his kindness and hurting him by not offering more sent a pang directly to her heart. She gripped onto his shirt tightly and made a real effort to stop any tears falling. Harry felt her tense and wound his arms around her and pulled her closer. She felt him drop a kiss onto the top of her head and she breathed out slowly. Tomorrow. She would talk to him about everything tomorrow.

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**A/N Okay! What did we think? No more confessionals, please... Just simple reviews... But for real, I'll keep this short and just know next chapter is the heaviest it'll get between them, but its also the last chapter where Hermione torments herself and Harry. After next chapter, things will begin to get better for them both and we get to see where they end up. See you soon!**


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